The Delhi Bomb Blasts-Live Post Blasts Coverage from the Home Minister's House

The Delhi Bomb Blasts - Live Post Blasts Coverage from the Home Minister’s House
1. The Delhi Blasts have taken their toll. Innocent people have lost their lives, have been maimed, become orphans etc, etc, etc.
2. Who is to blame?
· Of course us – the Voters of this Country.
· Of Course UPA.
· Of Course Congress.
· Nobody else.

3. A possible Live Scene in the House of our Very- Very Cool and Unruffled Home Minister( HM) :
- There is fading light on account of Sunset and Mr. HM is relaxing in his Lawn. He is directing his Staff how to take care of the hordes of Mosquitoes in the Lawn so that they get diverted to his neighbors on the LEFT and the RIGHT of his House. Incidentally, the neighbors belong to CPM and BJP respectively.
- Phone rings. It is the Very – Very Confidential Hotline – A Red Color Instrument which can be listened to only after punching a Password which only the HM is supposed to have.

- Nobody picks up the phone. Bihari is summoned pronto by the HM. The phone – “RED – EMERGENCY PHONE” by now is shrieking. More about that later.

- Who is Bihari Lal in any case? The phone is crying even louder – “Please pick me up, it is an Emergency”. The theory of the HM Household - It’s just a Phone Call, so why the Hurry. The problem if not attended to, it will sort out on its own.

- To come back to Bihari Lal, he is the eternal Household Help, who has loyally served the HM family for the last 3 decades. For his loyalty, he has been promised a Lok Sabha Ticket in the ensuing Lok Sabha elections. If he loses in the Lok Sabha elections, a Rajya Sabha seat is equally well assured. If he continues to look after the HM family well and in case they are in Power then, a Junior Minister ship could be considered.

- He is very often reminded by the HM Family that his ( Bihari’s) service to the HM Family will never go unrewarded. After all, the case in point is the Loyalty of Mr HM and his family to the “G” Parivar. “ If he could be rewarded with the HM ship, then why not Bihari”.

- Back to the RED RED HOT HOT Phone.

- HM to Bihari - “ Bihari, Phone ko Check karo - Kaun Hai. Bolo, baad mein phone karenge. Pehle in macchron ko LEFT aur Right to bhej doon.

- Bihari - “Sahib, Emergency wala Red Phone hai. Password to aapke paas hai. Main thodi na sun sakta hoon”.

- HM - “Password to Driver ke paas hai. Ja us se ley aa. Jahan tak Red Emergency Phone attend karne ki baat hai, tera future mujhe pata hai. Tu pakka is desh ka Home Minister banega. Bas meri or meri family ki Seva kar jaise ki maine ‘G’ Parivar ki seva kari hai”.

- Bihari gets the Password from the Driver, feeds it and answers the phone. It is the Union MHA Secy.

- MHA Secy - “Sir, Good Evening. Bad News Sir”.

- Bihari - “ Sahabjee, main Bihari. HM sahib abhi busy hain – CPM aur BJP ka bandobast kar rahe hain. Sahab bole ki aap message mujhe dein de. Main future HM hoon aur meri abhi se practice ho jayegi”

- MHA Secy “ HM sahib ko phone do – Turant”

- The HM most reluctantly comes on the Phone since he has not been able to fully accomplish his LEFT and RIGHT Mission as yet.

- HM – “ Yes”

- “MHA Secy - Sir, there have been Serial Blasts.”

- HM – So?

- MHA Secy “ Sir, there have been 5 Blasts in Delhi at …… - Is Interrupted by the HM.

- HM – “ Mr Secretary, Lets gets our facts straight. Important things first -

- Is Soniajee OK.

- Is Rahuljee OK.

- Is Priyankajee OK.

- Is Vadrajee OK.

- Are their Childrenjee OK.


- MHA Secy “ Yes Sir, they are all OK”

- HM – “Oh Allah be praised; Oh Christ be praised. The ruling Class is OK. Now, you know that Law & Order is a State Subject, so why bother me. Do you have anything else of importance”.

- MHA Secy - “ Please Sir , 23 people from the Majority Community have died; Hundreds injured”.

- HM – “That’s OK. Let us not panic. After all we are a troubled Country. Much that I feel Sorry for them. As the HM, the Death Toll should be significant enough to warrant a reaction from my side. As a special case, would you like to consider Press Statement No 4.

- HM (Contd) - “For Starters lets follow these Guidelines with immediate effect ( you make detailed Guide-lines later)” :

- Majority Community Death toll of 50 and less – Press Statement No 10 to be issued – I NEED NOT BE DISTURBED.

- Minority Community Death Toll of 1 person and more : –

- Inform me.

- Press Statement No 7 to be issued.

- I will inform Madam ‘G’.

- Hold Press Conference.

- Need a minimum of 2 hrs notice for the Press Conference so as to enable me to change in a new Suit.

- Pay a minimum Rs 10 Lacs compensation each from the Union Govt, Lalloojee, Mulayamjee and the concerned State Govt.

- Arrange visit of myself and Madam “G” to the Site of the Blast, Hospital, and the NOK.

- Govt Jobs for the affected Families and their Children even if Minor.

- Free Education for the NOK and the Children.

- Land to be given to each NOK.

- Whatever else they desire.

- Most Important, ensure that every NOK / those injured including the Minors given Compensation get their names in the Voters List and have a valid Voter ID Card.

- MHA Secy – “ Sir, very serious matter Sir. We must do something. And Sir, Press Statement No 4 is meant for Non Congress ruled states. Sir, more-over, Delhi is a Congress ruled state”.

- HM – Mr Secy, what have we MHA done during my whole tenure as HM. Sweet Nothing. Any matter not attended to will take care of itself. Do not go about setting new precedents.

- MHA Secy –. Sir, may I suggest Press Statement No 3 which is for Congress ruled States.

- HM – You really think that we should set a new precedent now. I do not think so. Well, if you insist, you can release Press Statement No 3. And Mr Secy, please note that no Press Meet.

- MHA Secy – Sir, Election year Sir. You must show that you are in Control.

- HM – Wait a minute; Calls Bihari – “ Biharijee, kya hamare paas koi Suit hai jo maine aaj subah se na pahna ho.

- Bihari – Sorry Sir, Subah se 6 Suit Badli kar chuke hain aap. Aur baaki Dry Cleaner ke paas hain.

- HM - Mr Secy, No scope of a Press Conference today.
-
- MHA Secy – OK Sir; Sir one minute. Breaking News on NDTV is coming.

After one minute.

MHA Secy - “ Sir, I have got the latest state of the Blasts. These TV Channels are such a Boon for all our Intelligence agencies. But for them what would we have done.

My recommendations Sir for you are as follows :

– For Balanced coverage of the Blasts - Dr Prannoy on NDTV.
– For Sansani – Star News.
– For Blood and Gory Photos – India TV.
– For Pro Minority coverage – Rajdeep Sardesai on CNN IBN and Barkha Datt on NDTV.
– For uninterrupted verbosity - Sagarika Ghose on CNN IBN.
– Etc
– Etc
– Etc


– HM – You mean you are sitting at home and briefing me based on the inputs from these channels and not from Police / Intelligence agencies. You are not in the Crisis Centre.

– MHA Secy – As you only said, Sir, there is NO Crisis. Only 23 from the Major Community have died. Sir, none from the Minority Community. After all, I have a team of 5 people here surfing 10 Channels and giving me all the important inputs.

– HM – Good, you mean the Crisis Centre Staff is at your residence.

– MHA Secy – Sir, Not the Crisis Centre Staff. Sir these are my absolute loyalists wanting to become the HMs of this Country - they are My Cook, My Driver, My Security Guard, My Gardener and My Masalchi.

– HM – Good Job done Mr Secy. I can now brief Madam ‘G’.

– HM rings up Madam ‘G” on the highly Confidential RED TELEPHONE Very –Very Hot Hotline - Alberto Mancini the Cook of the ‘G’ Household picks up the Highly Confidential and Password protected Very – Very Hot RED Hotline.

– HM to Alberto the Cook – “Mama Mia, wat’s cookin’ Maan”. You must find time to come and have a meal with me Maa’n. I will myself cook some Pasta for you Maa’n. Better than you make. After all, I have so much experience with “G” Household. Can you please give a message to Madam “G” Maa’n.

– HM Contd – “It’s the latest intelligence on the Delhi Bomb Blasts Maa’n. Only in case she is not doing anything else Maa’m, tell her to watch Dr Pronnay Roy for ….; CNN IBN for …., Star News for ….. ; India TV for …….. .

– Alberto Macini the Cook – “ Maa’n, what’s with you Bambino. How you doin’.

– Alberto Macini the Cook (contd) - I must congratulate the Indian Cabinet Maa’n. All of them think and act alike. Exactly the same message as yours has already been passed by the Female Power of the Cabinet to Madam 'G; i.e. Manmohan Singh, Arjun Singh, Renuka, Jayanti Natarajan, Sheila Dixit, Meira Kumar, Ambika Soni, Kumari Selja, Panabaka Lakshmi, Kanti Singh, Radhika Selvi.

– HM Contd - “ And Albertojee, that means I am late. Please, Albertojee, just put in a good word about me to Madam ‘G’. Lastly, Serve the ‘G’ household well Maan, and I see you as the future PM of India”.

– HM back to Secy MHA on Tele - “ Mr Secy. All has been taken care of. Mrs G is fully satisfied and Happy with us. Well I would like you to explore another matter for this Election Year - May be we can get the Constitution amended so that the Nationals of Pakistan, Nepal, Bhutan, Sri Lanka and Bangladesh can vote for the Congress in the our ensuing General Elections.

– HM (contd) - Lastly, Mr Secy, prior to the issue of the Statement No 3, get it approved by Mulayamjee, Lalloojee, Paswanjee and all those who are SIMI sympathizers in UPA. Word ‘SIMI’ should be not be mentioned in the Statement. Goody Good Chap you are. I see you as a future Governor.


Our Great Home Minister and the likes of him.

Even God won’t be able to help this Country.


Pratima Gupta